A far cry from what I thought.

If you'd asked me when I was 16 years old where did I see myself being when I was in my thirties I would have probably have answered you that I would be in a hospital lab somewhere cutting up dead people...I wanted to be a pathologist. I certainly had no plans for motherhood, had got a place at college to do my A-Levels & was heavily involved in various orchestras and choirs in my spare time.

Only life takes you on the path IT chooses, and within the space of 2 years I had left college (without passing my A-Levels) got a job, left home, fallen pregnant with my first child & gotten married!

And whilst I wouldn't change anything I have done in my life, I now appreciate that there have been certain decisions taken which have proven not to have been the best (or maybe should have been delayed until I was more mature/better informed) and have seriously impacted on my ability to move on now.

It's not that it is too late to something about this, but I am struggling to see the way forwards because there are too many of the clouds of my past overhead. It's going to take a real trick to clear them enough for me to see. I have to deal with the difficulties in what ever way needed in order to continue participating in what's going on around me, my family, friends, work, everything. I refuse to be defined by the choices I made as a young person, and now need the decisions I take from this point on to count.

Once more it comes back to the title of this post. As a teenager I made a lot of assumptions that my life would be on track, smoothly flowing along and that I would know exactly where I was going. Everything I know now just tells you that life can be a far cry from your expectations, dreams, hopes and is requires consant (or at least periodic) rediscovery to keep you being true to yourself.

Perfect parent...obviously not....

Where is it in the manual that parents have to like all their children?

I only ask this because I recently had to wake up to the fact that whilst I love all my children equally, and would never change them for the world (despite REALLY not looking forward to when I have three teenagers in the house at the same time as a small person) I actually find one of them more difficult to get on with then the others...

I was somewhat worried about this untill I rationalised it as the same issue you have with all relationships - YOU CANNOT LIKE EVERYONE YOU MEET - even though this particular person is genetically half me, and therefore I am effectively saying that there's something I have "created" which I don't get on with.

Still, even though I have been through this thought process there are pangs of guilt whenever I realise that my child is not necesarily getting the full emotional imput that they should be, from me, and that I sometimes find it really difficult to not get one sided about the challenges they present me with on a daily basis.
So,
I made a concious decision to separate the "dislike" into a place where it does not affect my behaviour towards my child, do everything I can to ensure even-handedness in ALL my responses to their behaviour, including issues between them and their siblings, and to work very hard to show them that I do love them, respect them & completely support them in everything they do.
I would still like someone to help me here though.... I know I'm not a perfect mum but surely I should be able to manage this?

A valid question but no real answer...

Now that might just seem like a silly title for a blog post to you, but over the past few months something very obvious has dawned on me and I'd like to put this to you....

Why, if everyone I ever meet is telling me that I should be happy to just be me.....am I constantly seeking to grow & change?

I've been told for many years that I should not worry about what other people think of me. At one point in my life this was probably because I was seriously overweight (we love you any way you are!), at other times its been because I doubt my own abilities (but you're an excellent singer and your children are so well behaved) Still more are the times I've been advised that I should "count my blessings" and "be grateful for my life" as I have my four healthy children & have been married to the same man for over 16 years....

So,

I come back to my question.

Why am I intent on changing?

I might not be able (or willing) to change certain things about my life, but the way I look & what I do as a job have been the two biggest changes I have made in the past couple of years. Indeed, these have gone hand in hand almost. I think its fair to say that if you asked any of my colleagues they would agree..
But I can sense, with every strand of my being, that there is still so much more that wants to be altered, re-shaped and -remoulded. I can't stop what's begun even if I wanted to, and I have no idea where it will end.

Who will I be at the end?
Will anyone recognise me?
Will I recognise myself?
Will I like what I see & but does that make any difference?
Because I'm quite sure I don't like what I see at the moment..

I'm just sure that flies in the face of everything, (almost) everyone's ever said to me!

Parenthood – the biggest game of life - Guest Blog - Lisa Blackler.

Having a baby will be easy, right?  Every girl played dollies as a child.  What fun to dress it up, push the pram and sing it a lullaby.  Once it’s asleep you can go off and play with your other toys, right?

Well that fantasy is shattered within hours of the birth!

But is parenthood a game?

Perhaps it is the most serious game you will ever play.  It has things in common with many familiar games:

·         Looking after a tiny baby can be like playing 20 questions – why are you crying?  Does your nappy need changing?  Are you hungry?  Are you too cold?  Are you too hot?  Are you in pain?

·         With a toddler you move on to a game of charades as you have to guess what the heck they are trying to tell you without the use of fully functional human language.

·         Ages 4 -7 are one long game of Top Trumps – a repeating cycle of threatening punishment and having to follow through when the threat is not believed...and then needing a bigger threat to top it with next time...

·         Pre-puberty is Guess Who time.  “Mum, guess who has a new computer console/baby brother/pet iguana?”

·         The teen years are a combination of the strategic elements of chess,  the deductive skills of Cluedo and the delicate skills of Kerplunk.

The only problem with it all is that nobody ever explains the rules to you at the start.  Not that it would makes a difference anyway, because your child will change the rules all the time anyway.

Lisa Blackler, Mum of 2 girls, owner of www.honestymarketing.co.uk  Twitter.com/LisaBlacklerL

Travelling down a road...but which road?

Life is full of dangerous roads....I'm amazed at just how easy it is to walk down one without glancing back. How often have you done this without realising until its too late and you can no longer see where you started?

Some time ago things were almost simpler for people, at every level!

Not only did you know where you stood socially, financially, but educationally, religiously and in fact within almost every part of life, there were clear frameworks within which you were placed. Even if you did your best to work your way "up and out" of which ever one you were currently standing in.

It doesn't take a genius to realise that this is no longer the case in the 21st century. What with a university education available for those who wish it, inter-racial marriages no loner illegal (in the UK any way), credit of all sorts often thrown at us from every side, and religion being sidelined more & more every year.

But my question to you is this...

Where does that leave someone looking for just a little guidance with their place in life? Which directions are the "signposts" facing?

What parameters can they now use to place themselves in their particular "human role"?  ... Or is there such a thing any more?

Have we begun to walk down the very dangerous road of losing the ability to identify ourselves from each other in an attempt to break free from stereotyping? Or have we set ourselves apart, truly started the levelling of the classes?
I'm not so sure.
To me it feels a little like running away from who we are. Maybe even hiding from reality...
Do we really want to talk this path, as once you start walking down it, it's very difficult to turn back.
The signposts are all pointing in the wrong direction...