50 Things to do before I turn 50....

Update
I thought I'd revisit this particular post now I've had (yet another) birthday.... and add to my list... otherwise what's the point of it?

I've reached a turning point in my life despite only being 35.
I've also come to realise that I haven't done a lot of the things I said I going to when I was a teenager. That's not necessarily a bad thing, and has influenced who I am at the moment... Confused, uncertain & a little bit scared maybe.
In order to improve my focus (as much as I have any control over my future) I decided recently that I am going to create my very own "Bucket List" ... except that I have no intention of dying when it's completed, but will have reached a new turning point with a whole lot more satisfaction then I reached this current one with.


Hence the title of this post "50 Things to do before I'm 50"...


I am not about to list all the obvious things like go on a road trip, or have a tattoo etc, as that is not what this is about. I'm going to take a look at my life, the people around me & the experiences I have already had and work out a list of things which I feel are important enough to put down on paper (so to speak) and which are achievable... I hope to make my life more interesting, varied & full of life as a direct result of widening my engagement with the world, once more aiming to be a more rounded person at the end of this time.
And whilst my list may seem trivial, or even casual to some, each item on it will carry a huge amount of meaning for me personally, and surely this is what is important, after all, the idea is to help myself reach my potential, and not to become "famous" or even "infamous".... I am not a celebrity, I have no wish for notoriety and cannot see the point in this being the goal of my list.
Whilst I have entitled my post "50 Things To Do Before I'm 50" I shall not be including a list of these things at first... I realise that developing the catalogue will take a little time & serious thought. However, there is 1 thing I can say and that is I'm not adverse to people making suggestions for the list... Indeed you are most welcome to, for you may be able to see chances that I cannot and therefore offer me the opportunity to add something as a result of your more, outside point of view of my existence.
Will you help? I look forward to reading your thoughts. In the meantime I shall start things off with this:


Number 1 - Ride on the back of a motorcycle....


Why? Because I have never done so but see it as a way of experiencing the freedom of movement this mode of transport can offer... Something you cannot achieve in a car (much as I like being in them too)


I will add to this list as inspiration takes me..... and ultimately fulfil the potential it opens up in front of me.


Number 2 - Travel to Barcelona by myself.....
Why? I have always wanted to go to the city and I feel strongly that travelling with others places restrictions on your choices which I would want to avoid.

Number 3 - Fly in a Helicopter.....

I love flying and the idea of being able to fly closer to the ground, and with more of a personal sense of contact with the aircraft is just alluring.

Number 4 - Have my portrait drawn (or painted) ....
Maybe this is just me being a little vain, but I would really like to see how someone else pictures me...

Number 5 - Dress in a Sari....
Number 6 - Learn to Pole Dance....
Number 7 - Sing live on TV for the 2nd time...
Number 8 - Learn to use a sewing machine....
Number 10 - Have a poem or other piece of writing published in print...
Number 11 - learn burlesque ...
Number 12 - have my picture taken "au natural" ....
Number 13 - Learn to box...
Number 14 - Shift the remaining 2 stone I am carrying...
Number 15 - Say "No" to someone and really mean it...

Torn between family and self

As many of you are now aware I have been lucky to return to return to work full time with a fantastic company in Garston, after a period of leave to care for my children and OH after the events of last year (which still, to be honest, rumble on in the background even now)
But whilst this is repairing some of the damage done to my dented (neigh, broken) self-esteem, through allowing me to gradually move back into wider circles of human contact, feel appreciated by others and show my capabilities outside of the home, it does not appear to be resolving the one lasting issue I have as to my ultimate place in society & life.

I've said before in my blog that I do not yet have a "life plan", but even finding a job which is within an organisation with room to grow does not seem to be showing me the way...

And what's worse, I'm getting to realise that I have a small seed of selfishness building inside of me, a sense of "when will it be time for me?" rather than "time for others" .... as it has been always for the last 18 years.

I love my family dearly, but have I done so to the point where I am losing (or have lost) my own identity & any chance of a sense of direction? Is it too late for me to retrieve it? Will I always place others needs above my own? It seems like that at the moment.
I have occasionally put my foot down & said NO, I'm going out, YOU will have to do without me for one evening..... but I then spend the evening feeling guilty. It's no fun, and I'm sure no fun for those around me.

On the other hand, maybe I'm supposed to be the matriarch.. Maybe that's my lot.... Maybe I'm supposed to act as the shepherd and gather others up & keep them safe?

I don't know.

And at the moment it's driving me nuts.

How having a carer can make things worse....

As most of you will know, my OH had a heart attack last summer adding to his already complex issues, and forcing me to give up work in order to care for both him & my children. This was a very difficult time for us all & on his initial discharge we received absolutely no help from anyone - we managed because the children were all off school for the summer holidays - but it was very tiring.

When the new school term begun the adult care team had finally realised that in order for us to function as near normal as possible some kind of assistance would be required & they agreed to have a carer organised to visit every weekday morning, for about 30 minutes, to help my OH wake, take his medication, wash, dress & join the rest of the world, whilst I completed the 2-hour round trip to do my youngest daughters school run. At first this seemed to help. I would arrive home at just before 10am and find him sat downstairs, with a warm drink, or at the very least, having had a wash & back on the bed maybe watching iPlayer.... Then over the next 3 months the number of different care staff we saw gradually increased, the frequency with which they turned up late (his medication was supposed to be taken between 8 & 9am which is when they were supposed to arrive) or not show up at all also began to get higher, and by the week before Christmas we found that they failed to show up more often they arrived....

What this meant was three-fold 1) Andy was regularly missing a complete set of his medication doses & having to and rearrange the rest of the days tablets to take account 2) Hospital, GP & other appointments were missed or arrived late at & 3) There was no regularity to his days - if I did not go straight home after the school run because of needing to do shopping or something, for example, then Andy might not get up till lunchtime one day, but if the carer showed up, then it might be 8am the next.

We had received a letter from the company providing the care service, asking us what we wanted to do between Christmas & New Year and this made us stop and think about the whole thing. Having sent the letter back saying that we would get by without anyone coming in at all for this period, we managed to function again without the unreliability & frustration of not knowing who & when and if anyone would actually turn up... Okay, this was another school holiday, but sitting down and talking to the children too during this time, we decided that actually there was no point actually having this service. It provided no real support to Andy, or us as a family, indeed it had actually become a bit of a noose around our necks.So we got in touch with both Adult care services & the care provider & cancelled the service.

What this decision has left is a manic morning routine, the need for me to call & check that Andy is awake whilst I am out doing the school run and generally a tiring start to the day. But we are all agreed that it was the right choice to make. It now frees up the carer for someone elderly or frail who does not have the support of a family on hand (as Andy does) whilst saving us the frustration we were experiencing before Christmas of expecting a process to be carried out & finding that it hadn't.



Once more, it proves that you can really only rely on yourself & those closest to you when push comes to shove.

Ok, I didn't want to do this but...

I know it's the run up to Christmas an'all, but I've been very observant recently (some people might call it nosey) and there have been an increasing list of things I've seen which are getting on my nerves.
I've already blogged about the irritating habit shown by some women who apparently lose their capacity for thought when they give birth, and fail to show their children simple lessons in how to behave towards others, but this was just the start of it.

I am NOT going to pretend that I am perfect - NEVER guilty of a silly mistake, or not realising that I'm doing something which might cause an inconvenience to another person BUT (and it, as far as I'm concerned is a big BUT) I am also able to admit my inadequacies, failings, weaknesses... whatever you wish to call them, and apologise when I have caused something to get in the way of one of my fellow human beings. Not something I see happening very often sadly.

So here, for your reading pleasure is a list of all my complaints about the world...... (I'm sure you can add some - please feel free to comment at the appropriate moment!!)

1. If you are using public transport & are accompanied by small children (or not so small bags of shopping) and there are seats close to the front not required by those less able than yourself - SIT IN THEM!!
Please do not traipse down the vehicle right to the back, no matter how much little "milly" or "frank" might beg.... all you are doing is delaying the departure of the bus for everyone else, and said small person is at risk of falling up the inevitable stairs at points along the gangway of the bus, causing them discomfort and you to lose your temper .....

2. Again, If using said public transport & you have to bring on a wheel case of some sort (i.e you are lucky enough to be going away or just possibly carrying a laptop in one of those poncey wheeled cases - or even, dare I mention, a damnable shopping trolley) SIT AS CLOSE TO THE FRONT AS POSSIBLE!!

The rest of the passengers do not wish to have their shins, toes or other bodily parts damaged by your luggage. And besides this there is not enough space for the aforementioned luggage between the seats unless you are going to be selfish enough to take up two by yourself.

3. When out shopping with your family & your mobile phone rings, it is probably a good idea to keep this item somewhere you can get to it fairly quickly - i.e. your coat pocket or just maybe a handbag pocket if you feel a little more secure with this. WE DO NOT ALL WANT TO HEAR YOUR STUPID RINGTONES!!

I, myself, have had my fill of Rihanna, JLS, Take That etc......coming out of a mobile device speaker which produces, at best crap quality sounding music......especially when it is just a short burst going round and round and round until your voicemail decides to pick up (thats if you ever got around to setting it up!)

4. I actually don't care what happened on YOUR night out! ..... Funny that, and I'm sure I'm not alone in that. So PLEASE KEEP IT DOWN!
I do not want to listen to half a telephone conversation & no, I'm not eavesdropping, its the individuals who seem unable (or unwilling) to keep their voices down whilst holding a chat with someone on their mobile in the middle of a public space - shopping centre, bus station, cafe, bus...... you name a place & I've probably been subjected to a half-convo there!

5. As parents (well some of us are anyway) you become familiar with particular behaviours exhibited by children, especially when they are small - pulling hats, gloves & socks off are all games they love to play - not many small people like them on.... HOWEVER.... if YOU as the responsible mother or father are out on a cold winters day wearing nothing but a sleeveless top, leggings and sandals (yes, I've seen this at least a dozen times in the past month alone) then how is YOUR child going to understand that THEY need these things on? You are the example they follow..... DRESS APPROPRIATELY..... Help them learn that in the cold they need to wrap up, not expose themselves!!


Okay.......

I'll stop there for fear of being accused of, well being a miserable old cow........ and start looking for positive role models in my local population.

I'll let you know when I find any.

Why social media can get you job .. or .. plaster yourself over cyberspace!

Readers of my blog over the recent few months will know that I've been getting every desperate - to get back to work! But that despite trying everything (so I thought) I was getting nowhere.... I had spent hours online hours applying for almost everything I could find, got hold of "local" papers and combed the pages for adverts I could apply for, and then walked around my town high street handing out my CV left, right & centre, and filling out so many application forms I got cramp in my hand!!
And still I only got 2 interviews, neither of which came to anything............... it was heartbreaking.

Now, as someone who uses social media to communicate with friends & family on a daily basis (and had gone so far in putting myself out on these platforms) even I hadn't fully appreciated just how powerful SM could actually be.
Once I actually realised this, I started to push as much as I felt was acceptable, on all the streams I used each day - Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn etc, and found that when my contacts realised what was happening they began to respond to my requests in a positive way, either by showing me places to look (specific websites etc) or by offering to keep their ears & eyes open for positions which they could refer me to.

SO.....
It was through one of my contacts placing a job advert up on Facebook that I applied for & the subsequent conversations arranging the interviews via Twitter that I now have the post I'm in now.

In my interview my new boss was quite open about the fact that they had found it amusing to see how "widespread" I was over Social Media, and that my LinkedIn profile was really useful, both facts I was rather pleased about - and had worked quite hard to achieve - so to have this recognised was satisfying.

Words of advice...

1) Make sure your LinkedIn profile is complete - it is your online CV & will be looked at - DON'T FOOL YOURSELF IN TO THINKING IT'S A WHITE ELEPHANT!

2) Make sure you clean up your behaviour on your Facebook & Twitter streams - I'm not saying you should become a robot, just watch what you are saying and control your temper!

3) Start writing a blog - Choose a topic you are really comfortable about & can write about regularly and reliably about (a hobby, favourite film genre or anything) and make sure you post links to your blogs out on your other Social Media streams whenever you write a new article & if they are less frequent than weekly, repost the link every week.

4) Get an up to date photo of yourself & use it uniformly across your social media platforms - please don't choose one of you in a silly pose or as part of a group - try and get one taken of you looking comfortable, well let & tidy - this will be a reference point for people when they meet you after seeing you on your profiles (especially in an interview situation)

Anything else than this should be common sense - just get yourself out there and keep asking your contacts to help you out! You never know... it might just be "who you know" and not "what you know" .....