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Tuesday, 3 April 2012

Aren't we English folk queer?

It is the end of March and the weather is predicted to break after a spell of unseasonable heat and sunshine. I've noticed a few things changing in people's behaviour over the last two weeks and would like to share my observations with you.

BBQ's are just an excuse to burn otherwise perfectly edible food...
It's hit double figures - bring out the BBQ!!

Whilst I quite enjoy the pleasures of a well done al fresco dining experience it does take a certain breed of people to take advantage of whatever little sunshine the British weather decides to offer us (taking into account it is only spring) by dragging the gas-powered (or for those with more taste, charcoal) outdoor oven.... Otherwise known as the BBQ. Because lets face it, whilst the temperature has been nice during the daytime, once the sun starts its decent, about 5pm ish, this quickly changes .... I'd personally rather be inside of an evening, then shivering trying to enjoy my food outside.

Style, sophistication.... the string vest just says it all...
The sun's shining, quick get the string vest on!!

Look, I have no doubt that in someone's eyes you are an attractive person, and, in the right situation that vest top is probably the right thing to be wearing (actually, no, it really isn't, not in public) but it is still only Spring, and this is the United Kingdom..... So, Really????  I don't want to see your pasty British arms & hairy back.... Please cover up.... at least until you've made attempts to look like something that hasn't just come out of hibernation.

Because Ice cream is exactly what you need for lunch isn't it??
You do not need an Ice-cream you miserable child...

Yes my darling... I know the sun is out & the omnipresent child-luring ice-cream vans have started to trawl the streets once more like the leeches they are.... but little one, you do not need an ice-cream or an ice-lolly to live, and yes I can handle the temper tantrum & "you hate me" which I know is going to be levelled at me as a response to this..... So.... Tough......
(One day you'll thank me for denying you all those empty calories.... although it might be some way down the road yet)

It only takes a few minutes to cut your nails & polish them...
 Sandals..... with those toenails?

You could, at the very least, have cut them, even if you didn't paint them...... they look like talons..... Please replace the sandals with appropriate footwear until this has been resolved...

And finally.... for now,

Soooo. Who forgot to shave then? 
Ladies, if you are going to wear a skirt....

Don't forget that we British women do neglect our legs during the dark winter months..... so remember to begin the hair removal process now...... or stay in trousers until you decide you are brave enough to do so.

Ah........ The British & their weather!!