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Saturday, 2 November 2013

The trials of modern parenting..

Some of you are aware that my youngest's daughter's daddy does not live with us and that she has very restricted access to him - not through his choice I must add - and many of you will, no doubt, know just how difficult this makes bringing up a child.

I also know that the choice I made to have her was mine alone but, and it is a significant but, her daddy has made it clear that he wishes to be involved in the decisions I take which impact her, and that he wants to involve himself in her life when he can. 
Fine, this is admirable, and I would like nothing more than this. 
But, and again another significant but...

There seem to be differences in opinion as to what "being involved" actually mean (inevitable) and what are the important things in a childs' life (again, inevitable considering our differing upbringings) Where in my world, spending time holding her, singing to her, feeding her, bathing, and yes, even changing her nappy are the things which are important, showing her that you want to spend your time with her - maintaining eye contact, letting her know you want to be with her and making her feel loved and special. 
In his, it is the financial security offered by him being in a good job - NOW BEFORE ANYONE COMPLAINS I AM CRITICISING THIS, I'M NOT!! - It's just that I know from my own experience that money does not make a happy childhood nor does lack of it mean a miserable one.  I feel that by focusing on one aspect of life (career for financial advancement in later life) you are simply missing out on what is important right now. The little things slip by unnoticed, you go through each day and before you realise, your little girl is all grown-up and starting secondary school. 

We also apparently differ in how we approach communicating with each other - I, on one hand like to say a quick "hello" every day but without intruding with a long protracted conversation whilst he would rather not speak for days (sometimes a week) and then spend an hour.... meaning by the time we do speak I've forgotten stuff (sometimes important stuff I needed to mention) and when something then raises its head he gets ..... um.... fractious.... And blames me for not telling him about it.

We both live very complex lives, this I grant, and are trying our best to move forwards to the next life stage for each of us, but I am struggling to see how I am going to prevent future friction events becoming more common as certain issues are just not going to change anytime soon. 

I'd like to think I can continue to bite my tongue when something upsets me but just not take the moral high ground. I'm sure there are things about me, which annoy the hell out of him so please don't think me thick skinned and cold-hearted!