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Thursday, 3 February 2011

A valid question but no real answer...

Now that might just seem like a silly title for a blog post to you, but over the past few months something very obvious has dawned on me and I'd like to put this to you....

Why, if everyone I ever meet is telling me that I should be happy to just be me.....am I constantly seeking to grow & change?

I've been told for many years that I should not worry about what other people think of me. At one point in my life this was probably because I was seriously overweight (we love you any way you are!), at other times its been because I doubt my own abilities (but you're an excellent singer and your children are so well behaved) Still more are the times I've been advised that I should "count my blessings" and "be grateful for my life" as I have my four healthy children & have been married to the same man for over 16 years....

So,

I come back to my question.

Why am I intent on changing?

I might not be able (or willing) to change certain things about my life, but the way I look & what I do as a job have been the two biggest changes I have made in the past couple of years. Indeed, these have gone hand in hand almost. I think its fair to say that if you asked any of my colleagues they would agree..
But I can sense, with every strand of my being, that there is still so much more that wants to be altered, re-shaped and -remoulded. I can't stop what's begun even if I wanted to, and I have no idea where it will end.

Who will I be at the end?
Will anyone recognise me?
Will I recognise myself?
Will I like what I see & but does that make any difference?
Because I'm quite sure I don't like what I see at the moment..

I'm just sure that flies in the face of everything, (almost) everyone's ever said to me!