Now that might just seem like a silly title for a blog post to you, but over the past few months something very obvious has dawned on me and I'd like to put this to you....
Why, if everyone I ever meet is telling me that I should be happy to just be me.....am I constantly seeking to grow & change?
I've been told for many years that I should not worry about what other people think of me. At one point in my life this was probably because I was seriously overweight (we love you any way you are!), at other times its been because I doubt my own abilities (but you're an excellent singer and your children are so well behaved) Still more are the times I've been advised that I should "count my blessings" and "be grateful for my life" as I have my four healthy children & have been married to the same man for over 16 years....
So,
I come back to my question.
Why am I intent on changing?
I might not be able (or willing) to change certain things about my life, but the way I look & what I do as a job have been the two biggest changes I have made in the past couple of years. Indeed, these have gone hand in hand almost. I think its fair to say that if you asked any of my colleagues they would agree..
But I can sense, with every strand of my being, that there is still so much more that wants to be altered, re-shaped and -remoulded. I can't stop what's begun even if I wanted to, and I have no idea where it will end.
Who will I be at the end?
Will anyone recognise me?
Will I recognise myself?
Will I like what I see & but does that make any difference?
Because I'm quite sure I don't like what I see at the moment..
I'm just sure that flies in the face of everything, (almost) everyone's ever said to me!
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there is a very fine balance between supporting and encouraging people to be happy in themselves and comfortable with themselves, and encouraging them to change themselves if they are unhappy with the way they are. It is not always the right time to change yourself. However, as you grow as a person, you find yourself changing, and may well want to drive that change if you feel it is for the better. I constantly get the 'encouraging to be comfortable as you are' and 'encouraging to improve yourself' wrong with my children who tell me I am not being supportive when (for instance) they play me a tune on an instrument and tell them they could do it better if they practised more. Which they could. As with a lot of things it's a balance and *** hard to get right. And at the end of your life you will have grown and changed and you may well not be recognisable as the person you once were - which is not to say that you were 'bad' and are now 'good' or visa versa - you may just be different. Embrace change - if you can see it's for the good.
ReplyDeleteThank you Gill. I am somewhat afraid of making similar mistakes with my own children, so looking at it knowing that others feel this way too, goes just a small part to stopping the paranoia!
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