Now wait before you all throw your hands in the air and say, "but my husband/boyfriend/significant other is very thoughtful".....I absolutely DO NOT mean EVERY one of them...just those that seem to be in my company ...
And indeed even that isn't fair to the one or two who I know who I can actually say ARE kind, generous & thoughtful, but they are SO in the minority it seems that they are horribly out-numbered by at least 5 to 1, if not 10 to 1....
It's not that I expect the door to be held open for me, or flowers bought, or even my birthday remembered etc. But what would be nice is for them to remember that they are capable of holding a conversation which does not begin with "in my opinion" or "if you ask me" or worse still "If it was me ...." and indeed that I am able to respond to conversations on topics such as technology, politics, science, media.....without getting all "Girly" and resorting to so-called celebrities (whom I personally dislike to the point of ignoring)
Where is the gentle, pleasant, laughter generating conversation? Where have the occasional texts gone saying "hi there, just thought I'd say hope you're OK"?......
Are these so-called friendships really worth the effort and do I keep trying or are they just hangers-on doing nothing for my self-esteem and confidence?
HI Clare
ReplyDeleteIf you want this... "Where is the gentle, pleasant, laughter generating conversation? Where have the occasional texts gone saying "hi there, just thought I'd say hope you're OK"?......" you have to either find female buddies, or gay ones!
I don't understand the problem you explain, mainly cos, if the definition of a thoughtless males is that every conversation starts with "in my opinion" or "if you ask me" or worse still "If it was me ...." - then I probably am one LOL!
I actually think if someone states that in a conversation opener then they are willing to engage in a debate and listen to the other person's view - otherwise surely they would open with something more like "The facts are..." - to which there is little opportunity to have a difference of opinion, the point of difference where someone opens with "facts" is actually direct conflict...
In mastermind groups one of the "rules" is to give advice to the person on the spotlight by saying "If I were you I would..." which is not dissimilar to "If it was me..." - this is considered to be far better than saying "what you should do is..."
Maybe consider the alternative more blunt, more arrogant and more overbearing approaches... cos I think what you talk of above is actually a very thoughtful way for a person to invite another to discuss - irrespective of gender :-)