If you'd asked me when I was 16 years old where did I see myself being when I was in my thirties I would have probably have answered you that I would be in a hospital lab somewhere cutting up dead people...I wanted to be a pathologist. I certainly had no plans for motherhood, had got a place at college to do my A-Levels & was heavily involved in various orchestras and choirs in my spare time.
Only life takes you on the path IT chooses, and within the space of 2 years I had left college (without passing my A-Levels) got a job, left home, fallen pregnant with my first child & gotten married!
And whilst I wouldn't change anything I have done in my life, I now appreciate that there have been certain decisions taken which have proven not to have been the best (or maybe should have been delayed until I was more mature/better informed) and have seriously impacted on my ability to move on now.
It's not that it is too late to something about this, but I am struggling to see the way forwards because there are too many of the clouds of my past overhead. It's going to take a real trick to clear them enough for me to see. I have to deal with the difficulties in what ever way needed in order to continue participating in what's going on around me, my family, friends, work, everything. I refuse to be defined by the choices I made as a young person, and now need the decisions I take from this point on to count.
Once more it comes back to the title of this post. As a teenager I made a lot of assumptions that my life would be on track, smoothly flowing along and that I would know exactly where I was going. Everything I know now just tells you that life can be a far cry from your expectations, dreams, hopes and is requires consant (or at least periodic) rediscovery to keep you being true to yourself.
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Speaking as someone who did her first degree at 40, don't write off re-enrolling on a course of study if that is still what you want to do.You are not your 16-year old self; you may well have a different and much better idea of what really interests you and what your values are. It has never been easier to reinvent yourself, so try to work out what you really want to do with your life and go for it!
ReplyDeleteLife is full of twists and turns, the road ahead always changes as does the weather. Remember to be true to your self, your family, and enjoy life.
ReplyDeleteLife is not designed to be easy but lived to the full. Remind people that you are Clare first, then Mother, Wife and a Friend to.