And I still don't really feel like doing this, but thought I'd better. As many of you now know, several weeks ago my OH suffered a real set-back health wise, and after a no-brainer (considering all the hospital appointments I'm still organising) the decision was taken for me to leave work in order to look after him, the children and out home.After being back at work full-time for the past 18 months this has been a real wrench, I am going to be completely honest.
Whilst caring for people is now second nature to me - indeed before I returned to work last February that is exactly what I had been doing for the proceeding 10 years, and really even longer than that as my previous work experience was bitty, and only part-time. My oldest child is heading towards 17 now so I'll leave you to do the maths....
Anyway, as I said, the caring bit is not the problem really, what is getting to me is the complete lack of acknowledgement of me.... me as a person, in any way shape or form in my own right.....I'm back to being someone's mother, wife, carer and nurse again. I'm not me, not just me .... and this has happened in the blink of an eye.... I was shocked - and disappointed.
I don't feature in respect of the government - because I am married to someone who has an existing claim for benefits (disability benefits as unable to work) I cannot claim in my own right - I have to be added on as a |"Dependent" of his....
I am the "Partner" of the claimant when it comes to sorting out our housing/council tax benefits - believe it or now because my name come after his in the alphabet!
All these things combine with the fact that people who once spoke to me (whilst I was working of course) now ignore me, and just build up to increase my sense of insecurity once more. I will not hide from the fact that I was unsure of exactly who I was (even whilst I was employed) at least people did not shun me, blank me, and generally treat me like a second class citizen, such as they do now. As a full-time carer I fill a huge blank in the employment market, saving hundreds of thousands of pounds a year, and yet, I have been ignored, given the cold shoulder by my peers and quite simply treated as if I am no longer worth wasting the time speaking to.
Thank you world.
When you need me at some point in the future, I might just not be there for you.
whilst being aware that you will be busy with your various caring tasks, do make some time for yourself. Also being aware that money is tight, is there some skill you could could learn or brush up on, or some way you can do a part-time job from home? Make flapjack or jewellery and sell it at the Farmer's Market? Enroll on a short course at an evening class? (you may be able to get a discount on this as a carer, or even at the OU as a carer) Could you find other people available during the day with whom you could make some music? St Albans has a 'rehearsal orchestra' which plays for fun on a Wednesday morning, for instance, or you might be able to find some friends to play quartets with, or sing part-songs.
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